Daily Joke contest Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Antt vd Please tell me tonight who wins the todays daily joke contest.

OKAY WINNER GET 15 POINTS 1 JOKE AN 1 JOKE ONLY IF U POST MORE URS DOESNT COUNT.

A man walks into a bar.
"OUCH!" He said.



It was an IRON Bar! Geddit?

My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it. "Oh, we returned the piano." said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead."

"How come?" I asked. "Because," he answered, "with a clarinet, she can't sing."

A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!


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There are these three guys in a desert dying of dehydration. Off in the horizon they see a house and finally manage to struggle to it. The first guy goes up to the door to ask for water. The door is opened by this really old, wart-covered, puss covered, scaly, toothless old woman.

"C-c-c-can I h-h-h-have some w-w-w-water for me and m-my friends?" he asks.

She replied, "I will... if you have sex with me."

The guy pukes all over the woman and runs back to his friends.

"You guys would not believe who answered the door. Some really gross old lady!" he tells them. "She said we could have water if I had sex with her."

"Why didn't you then?" asks he second guy.

"Because she was so ugly, I was sick and couldn't do it!"

"Oh, you are such a wuss. I'll go up to the door," the second guy says.

He goes up to the door and rings the bell. The old hag answers.

"W-w-w-w-w-w-waaaaaa......" He uses all of his will power to not hurl.

"Water? Yes, I have water," she says knowingly. "But you have to have sex with me."

"AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!"

He runs back to his friends and before he could say a word, the third guy goes to the door and rings the bell.

"What do you want for some water?"

"You have to have sex with me."

Knowing that if he doesn't do something, he and his friends will all die. So he follows the lady into her kitchen.

"Do me here," she told him.

He sees 3 ears of corn on the counter and gets an idea.

"Lay back and close your eyes. And keep them closed!"

The witch lays back and spreads her legs. The guy nearly pukes after seeing this. He picks up an ear of corn and screws her with it. Finally she is finished. He throws the corn out the window.

"Oh, God. That was the best orgasm of my life. If you do that again I will give you a million dollars."

"Then lay back and close your eyes again."

This she does and he does her with the second ear of corn until she is satisfied. Then he throws it out the window. This time she doesn't even open her eyes.

"If you do that again, I will give you a Jeep so you can get out of the desert."

"Eyes closed," he says.

Then he does her with the last piece of corn. He brings her to multiple orgasms.

"Ohhhhhhhhh........ The water, money and Jeep are outside," she says as she squirms in ecstasy.

So he runs like hell outside and grabs the water and money and jumps into the Jeep. He wonders where his friends are and drives around to find them. He finds them by the window.

One of the guys says to him, "Hey, man. I hope you had fun. We just ate the three best pieces of buttered corn you could have imagined!"

Q:How long does it take a black woman to take a poo?
A:9 months!

Because a woman gives birth in 9 months and poos are brown and so are balck woman`s babies?!

Willard wrote:Because a woman gives birth in 9 months and poos are brown and so are balck woman`s babies?!

Yes we get it will.... Dut awesome joke if i was judgimg that would wim hamds dowm, dut amtt vd judges

Haha thanks

Who's dumber the 3 mexicans building a house under water or the 3 blacks tryin' too burn it down?

LOLOL dont get it.....

Willard wrote:LOLOL dont get it.....

How do u mot get it, its fkimg awesome

oh, misread it lol! thats awesome!

2 ppl are at a party, a girl and a boy. The girl asks if the boy can take her home. He says "Sure". They go to his house. The boy says he is going to take a shower so the girl asks if she can with him. So he says "sure. In the shower the girl askes "what's tha t thing dangling between your legs. He said "Thats Bob. The guys says he is going to bed. the girl says "Can I sleep with you". So he said "sure". The next morning the guy ends up in the hospital. He asks "What happened". So the girl said " Bob spit on me so i ate him. XD

Do you know who wins?

Who wins? (probs me )

Willard wrote:Who wins? (probs me )

your joke was canny and really terrible. not funny at all why would it win?

SHADOWSIG WOOT