Antt vd tell me tonight who wins.
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ukbeat
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death2u
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Daily Joke contest Thursday, September, 2011
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Location : In another dimention fighting a pharmacist that calls himself an evil villan. But, there are 2, one from this dimension and the other from the other dimention. As I probably did not mention yet, i'm fighting hime with my platapus, and he wears a hat and calls himself a secret agent. i mean come on, he's just a platapus, and they don't do much. So are you happy you know my location now? If not then leave this site forever. if you are happy, the continue with your life, because this must not be THAT important to you. But if it IS important to you to know my location, then you are probably a rapist and you want to come rape me. I have a shotgun just incase ok? That is, once i get back to my normal dimension. Recongise this from anywhere?
Yo mama's so poor i went in her house's front door and tripped out the back
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how do you know whos the richest mexican?
you throw a quarter on the street and see who gets it
you throw a quarter on the street and see who gets it
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There are these three guys in a desert dying of dehydration. Off in the horizon they see a house and finally manage to struggle to it. The first guy goes up to the door to ask for water. The door is opened by this really old, wart-covered, puss covered, scaly, toothless old woman.
"C-c-c-can I h-h-h-have some w-w-w-water for me and m-my friends?" he asks.
She replied, "I will... if you have sex with me."
The guy pukes all over the woman and runs back to his friends.
"You guys would not believe who answered the door. Some really gross old lady!" he tells them. "She said we could have water if I had sex with her."
"Why didn't you then?" asks he second guy.
"Because she was so ugly, I was sick and couldn't do it!"
"Oh, you are such a wuss. I'll go up to the door," the second guy says.
He goes up to the door and rings the bell. The old hag answers.
"W-w-w-w-w-w-waaaaaa......" He uses all of his will power to not hurl.
"Water? Yes, I have water," she says knowingly. "But you have to have sex with me."
"AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!"
He runs back to his friends and before he could say a word, the third guy goes to the door and rings the bell.
"What do you want for some water?"
"You have to have sex with me."
Knowing that if he doesn't do something, he and his friends will all die. So he follows the lady into her kitchen.
"Do me here," she told him.
He sees 3 ears of corn on the counter and gets an idea.
"Lay back and close your eyes. And keep them closed!"
The witch lays back and spreads her legs. The guy nearly pukes after seeing this. He picks up an ear of corn and screws her with it. Finally she is finished. He throws the corn out the window.
"Oh, God. That was the best orgasm of my life. If you do that again I will give you a million dollars."
"Then lay back and close your eyes again."
This she does and he does her with the second ear of corn until she is satisfied. Then he throws it out the window. This time she doesn't even open her eyes.
"If you do that again, I will give you a Jeep so you can get out of the desert."
"Eyes closed," he says.
Then he does her with the last piece of corn. He brings her to multiple orgasms.
"Ohhhhhhhhh........ The water, money and Jeep are outside," she says as she squirms in ecstasy.
So he runs like hell outside and grabs the water and money and jumps into the Jeep. He wonders where his friends are and drives around to find them. He finds them by the window.
One of the guys says to him, "Hey, man. I hope you had fun. We just ate the three best pieces of buttered corn you could have imagined!"
"C-c-c-can I h-h-h-have some w-w-w-water for me and m-my friends?" he asks.
She replied, "I will... if you have sex with me."
The guy pukes all over the woman and runs back to his friends.
"You guys would not believe who answered the door. Some really gross old lady!" he tells them. "She said we could have water if I had sex with her."
"Why didn't you then?" asks he second guy.
"Because she was so ugly, I was sick and couldn't do it!"
"Oh, you are such a wuss. I'll go up to the door," the second guy says.
He goes up to the door and rings the bell. The old hag answers.
"W-w-w-w-w-w-waaaaaa......" He uses all of his will power to not hurl.
"Water? Yes, I have water," she says knowingly. "But you have to have sex with me."
"AAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!"
He runs back to his friends and before he could say a word, the third guy goes to the door and rings the bell.
"What do you want for some water?"
"You have to have sex with me."
Knowing that if he doesn't do something, he and his friends will all die. So he follows the lady into her kitchen.
"Do me here," she told him.
He sees 3 ears of corn on the counter and gets an idea.
"Lay back and close your eyes. And keep them closed!"
The witch lays back and spreads her legs. The guy nearly pukes after seeing this. He picks up an ear of corn and screws her with it. Finally she is finished. He throws the corn out the window.
"Oh, God. That was the best orgasm of my life. If you do that again I will give you a million dollars."
"Then lay back and close your eyes again."
This she does and he does her with the second ear of corn until she is satisfied. Then he throws it out the window. This time she doesn't even open her eyes.
"If you do that again, I will give you a Jeep so you can get out of the desert."
"Eyes closed," he says.
Then he does her with the last piece of corn. He brings her to multiple orgasms.
"Ohhhhhhhhh........ The water, money and Jeep are outside," she says as she squirms in ecstasy.
So he runs like hell outside and grabs the water and money and jumps into the Jeep. He wonders where his friends are and drives around to find them. He finds them by the window.
One of the guys says to him, "Hey, man. I hope you had fun. We just ate the three best pieces of buttered corn you could have imagined!"
ukbeat- Forum Veteran
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your mamma is so dumb that she tripped over the wireless connection
Willard- Pro
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The little boy took a bath with his dad, the little boy asks whats the thing between your legs? The dad says it`s Johnny. The little boy asked can i play with him? The dad said yes. The dad fell asleep. He woke up in hospital. He said, how did i get here? The little boy said Johnny spat at me so i bit him! xD
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so old willWillard wrote:The little boy took a bath with his dad, the little boy asks whats the thing between your legs? The dad says it`s Johnny. The little boy asked can i play with him? The dad said yes. The dad fell asleep. He woke up in hospital. He said, how did i get here? The little boy said Johnny spat at me so i bit him! xD
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Location : If I were to tell you my location I would feel insecure as some of you could be 53 year old paedophiles who wish to rape me. But then if you did find me I'd most probably knock you out. So I'll just tell you. I'm under your bed. Jokes that would make me the paedophile. I live in Lipson, Plymouth, England, United kingdom, Europe, Northern hemisphere, Earth, Milky way, and I'm not as smart as my smart ass comments would suggest so I don't know what's after that.
Admin wrote:so old willWillard wrote:The little boy took a bath with his dad, the little boy asks whats the thing between your legs? The dad says it`s Johnny. The little boy asked can i play with him? The dad said yes. The dad fell asleep. He woke up in hospital. He said, how did i get here? The little boy said Johnny spat at me so i bit him! xD
Old and bad. At least do the original old -.-'
A little boy has a bath with his dad as he is too old to do it himself. The man says
"Just don't look under the water son."
Of course being a little ignorant child he does it anyway.
"Daddy what's that in between your legs?!"
"That's my racing car son."
The next day he has a bath with his mum, she also says,
"Just don't look under the water son."
Yet again he disobeys his parents and looks anyway.
"Mummy what's that between your legs?!"
"That's just my garage son."
"And what's that on your chest?"
"They're my headlights son."
That night there's a storm and the little boy goes to his parents room s he is scared of the thunder and lightning. He says.
"Mummy I'm scared can I sleep with you?"
Being a caring mother she of course allows him in despite the efforts of the dad. So he simply says.
"Don't look under the covers son"
He yet again ignores them.
"Daddy your racing car is parked in the garage!"
That has got to be one of the worst jokes EVER, I mean come on even why did the banana cross the road joke is better!
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who has won?
death2u- Mega Poster
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ME jk
joelol- Postaholic
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i wanna win something lol
ukbeat- Forum Veteran
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same...
joelol- Postaholic
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ive won loads of things lol
ukbeat- Forum Veteran
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train track!
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joelol- Postaholic
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lolz
ukbeat- Forum Veteran
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random as eva
joelol- Postaholic
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yep just like old dayz
ukbeat- Forum Veteran
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which was 3 days ago lol
joelol- Postaholic
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well i suppose
ukbeat- Forum Veteran
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yes, you do suppose!
joelol- Postaholic
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yep i do
ukbeat- Forum Veteran
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ugh!
joelol- Postaholic
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arg!!!
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lol
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lolz